This week was strange and somehow twisted. My emotions are still an unruly mess. I wish I could read yours but it is impossible.
We are still together in some way, not as before... but still... we are parted.
Yesterday I talked with my brother who strongly disapproves what I am actually doing now. He said that I am simply prolonging the agony. He may be right from what I feel deep down inside me, but I don't want to let go. I can't let go. I can't imagine my world without you. My stubbornness and vibrancy can't fill the hole, can't jump the gap that is there, but they push me towards the edge.
My nights are long and lonely. My days a minute-by-minute existence. Inside I am a storm, outside I try to stiffen my tears and keep them to myself. I reread all of our conversations from the very beginning although it causes me pain to see all the smiles, hidden appreciations, love notes...
Yesterday I was in your arms all the time and there I was so happy and so tranquil. I really want it to be the same for you.
When you get closer to me, it is noticeable. I give my all to the ones I love. I give my time, my love, my body and soul, my future and my plans, my dreams and hopes, my existence, my trust and my care. This is what makes me complete and strong, what makes me happy, what gives me power to meet the obstacles of my daily life, to shine, to excel in my sphere, to be what I am.
I need that like I need air. Without it I just slowly die inside.