He loves me not, I love him too. Love impossible between our souls. I feel so stupid and sad, an empty shell devoted of everything. Worst is that I can't fully understand him except for the inner feeling that he doesn't really want me any more.
I want to fill the gap between our souls with my never ending tears. To construct a sea, to be able to cross to the other shore, to him. To be able to hold him like before without the hidden tension in his body. I want to give my everything, my broken pieces, the shards that I hold which cut me from deep inside.
I cry all the time, I cannot sleep, I cannot eat. My mind is constantly thinking : Why?. Only why. Nothing more. I do not want to change him, nor his decision. As I know that there deep in my soul, for the first time I really loved. As one friend of my once explained : He is like music player that plays the most beautiful music, but you ran out of battery. So you guard it and you wait.
But mine would never play for me.
Some time will pass. Months, years. I do not fear the solitary existence as I am bound to it in too many ways. They always say that I should be strong, to hold myself and contemplate. And I do. But this time, only this time I want to flow with my sorrows, to express my inner pain, my confused reality, my fears, to let my music loud.
Today "I have nothing" which lyrics are more than me now.
Share my life, take me for what I am
Coz I'll never change all my colors for you
Take my love, I'll never ask for too much
Just all that you are and everything that you do
I don't really need to look very much further
I don't want to have to go where you don't follow
I won't hold it back again, this passion inside
Can't run from myself
There's nowhere to hide
Well,don't make me close one more door
I don't wanna hurt anymore
Stay in my arms if you dare
Or must I imagine you there
Don't walk away from me...
I have nothing, nothing, nothing
If I don't have you, you, you, you, you, you...
You see through, right to the heart of me
You break down my walls with the strength of your love mmmmm...
I never knew love like I've known it with you
Will a memory survive, one I can hold on to
I love you, darling. I always will do, lovely.