неделя, октомври 09, 2011

I would...

I would want to say something nice but obviously we don't hear ourselves any more. Of course I am carrying the guilt. How can it be any other way... when I am compared to an egoistical, self-absorbed cunt. Anyway. I should say something. I can't. Not any longer, no more. 

I am empty. Lonely. Left behind. Broken. Sad. After all I am the weak one, the one who only wants to love and care for somebody, the one who will weep silently in her bed after re-reading her own words several times.

Wise people say that the stars burn brighter than anything just before they die and fade away.

I would...

3 коментара:

  1. :-// I object...
    And I wish my objection actually mattered, but sadly it makes no difference.

  2. As i think this would be the way to say it so you can understand me best i will say it here.


    When did you decided you carry all the guilt?
    When did i tell you: "It's your fault?"
    When did i say: "I don't agree with what you say?"

    Am I perfect?! NO! Not even close! Am i guilty? Yes, but not as you think.
    My only guilt is that i left you thinking one of us made this. It is not true. We both did. Not enough trust.. communication maybe ... or maybe we are speaking two different languages now. Which one is it you think? When we think we are hurt we both go in our most sacred places. We turtle up and try to figure all in our heads. As this might work for other things it is not applicable in this case. This is killing US both. We are becoming slaves to our own thought and every second spend in there we fall deeper and deeper with more "what ifs" and more "maybes" and more sorrow. I don't want to go there.
    Maybe we are not so good as we think in reading between the lines because our own thoughts make us see the things we don't want to. They warp our reality and make it distorted which makes us go deeper and deeper into our own minds until we are comfortably numb.
    I AM GUILTY! I should have never left you mistaking that my exostion is actually me loosing interest in you or that it ment that i don't want to be with you and talk to you... be there for you and most of all love you. This is not true and can't be further from the truth. I want to love you and get the same in return. And i don't want to stop trying even if i have to peal you again one onion layer at a time.
    I told you before. It's called making love because you have to make love work and not wallow in self putty on each hurdle. We can't just lie down and give up. I really love to learn your language and i hope you will want to learn mine.