понеделник, септември 27, 2010

And I miss...

I spend my time in Valencia wonderful, I have many interesting tasks to do, some wishes to  fulfil and many more places to see. But in the middle of my sleepless nights I realize that I miss so many things... 

...and I miss them mostly in the night hours when I am all alone in my bed.

Most of all I think about my family: I miss my brother's laught and my mum's morning kisses, I miss my daddy's green eyes and deep voice...

I miss my street with the missing lights, I miss my places, I miss my bar, my club and my daily tea... And I miss her... my half, my soul. It is so strong that sometimes tears come to my eyes and my voice starts to tremble.

And there I go... every second here I feel the emptiness by my side, the cold wall instead of his warm body, the impossible need to touch him, to kiss him, to breath him... I feel want and desire, inexplicable surge of emotions every time I think about him. And then I force a smile for my missing angel/devil with the serious expression on his face, the blazing green eyes, the strong jaw line which I love to touch and caress.

I will make a confession... in my short life I've never felt this torn apart. Never.

...92 days more...

сряда, септември 01, 2010

And I...

I want to cry my soul away from my body. I want to tear apart my limbs in frustration. And then go back in my dark cave to hide my misery from the rest of the people. I will be apart for very long time. I am tortured and tired, so lost, so frustrated... defenseless, left alone. 
As I sit in my bed and cry in silence in my mind echo words of disbelief. I have never felt this way in my life before. And I pray that I will never feel it again. Because this causes me inner pain, this burns me from my inside and makes me weak.

...

And I stay in silence...
And I cannot believe what my eyes see... but there is not enough strength in my body to close them. There is no escape...
And so I just stay and listen...

...

And I bleed for the first time for many years...