петък, август 13, 2010

Droplets, Falling Stars and me

I stay in my bed in the early morning hours of Friday 13, my throat aches a little, my legs shake uncontrollably... and I just can"t stop smiling. It is a cheerful, sincere, serene smile with all my three dimples showing. Although I really miss my "happy people" I feel so overjoyed now. 

Also I am so calm as I never have been before.

I need, no I must get some sleep because tomorrow (or today) is going to be really long day, but I don't care about this anymore. It was a wonderful night with the man who makes my spine tingle, my knees go weak, my head spin with a single touch and in seconds all my skin is covered in goose bumps. It was an evening with lots of nice chat with new friends, some board games that I enjoy greatly, nice music, tasty food, fantastic homemade Creme Brulee for dessert (kiss the cook!), a trip to the mountain, night view of the city which I love despite everything, beautiful falling stars in a sky with the perfect Milky Way with appropriate soundtrack, hugs, kisses, laying on a blanket, making some great personal wishes (14 more to go!) and warm welcoming bed...

And here I am now. Thinking as always. Questioning myself through this blog. Answering the asked in empty lines and the spaces between these words. I tend to analyze every aspect and think too much over it. Over and over again. Here are they. My random, unsorted, unformulated, uncensored thoughts. Right here, Right now. With a smile over my face. 

It happens- I see some things that I do not want to understand, nor I want to know. There are so many signs that can make me tremble in fear and anticipation. And God I am scared! And God, I miss the only person who can read my soul without my guidance...and I need to talk. I need her advice and reassuring touch. On another side I know that there are only a couple of days left till our meeting and I try to breath slowly...

Is there a way to explain the surge of ultimate happiness and serenity that brings me somebody's aroma? Is there a logical explanation of my reactions at all? All that bitchy crap about the emotional side of the women may be is right! I have never, ever in my life been so emotional, so uncontrolled, so forgiving and so soft. Pure horror. I feel my soul exposed and sometimes even a joke makes my hearth freeze for a second and skip a heartbeat.

Do I really read the opposite standing in front of me or I invent some reality that is far away from the truth?

Or how do I know all the intricate spirals of the laws of attraction? 

How to stop myself from something that I want so badly that it hurts? Is it a must or not to stop? Where are the borders? Does a droplet brake the bent?

I still fear... for many reasons some of which I still can't explain. And I desperately try to avoid this feeling of utterly misery. After all I still smile, my knees still tremble slightly and my skin is filled with the perfect aroma that I crave.
And he is staying here for good...(13 wishes more to go)...

8 коментара:

  1. Hmm... you wasted a wish i think... maybe he wished for the same thing..... :)

  2. Did I? And did he? :) May be but how can you be so sure about it? Or is the price of one wish so high not to wish for something you crave more than once?

  3. I think once is more than enough. If it does not work with 1 wish it sure as hell wont work with 15 :D

  4. Yes.It works that way.

    You wish for something once, may be twice...not 15 times. But you know some wishes do come true:)

  5. Oh do they now!? Only bu wishing? :D cool... i still with for a new car then :)

  6. Nice, nice, nice... :-))) Mmm, love you that way, my little desperate and beautiful harmful thing! ^^ <3 :-*

  7. And I love you too, my dear! How come with you? Passing through Sofia soon? Or I need to pass by Pleven to see you before my departure?

  8. It should probably be you, unless we see each other before this trip we're having with my family... I'll try to write on Thursday or Friday! ;-) And I've got a surprise for you! ^^