петък, август 13, 2010

Droplets, Falling Stars and me

I stay in my bed in the early morning hours of Friday 13, my throat aches a little, my legs shake uncontrollably... and I just can"t stop smiling. It is a cheerful, sincere, serene smile with all my three dimples showing. Although I really miss my "happy people" I feel so overjoyed now. 

Also I am so calm as I never have been before.

I need, no I must get some sleep because tomorrow (or today) is going to be really long day, but I don't care about this anymore. It was a wonderful night with the man who makes my spine tingle, my knees go weak, my head spin with a single touch and in seconds all my skin is covered in goose bumps. It was an evening with lots of nice chat with new friends, some board games that I enjoy greatly, nice music, tasty food, fantastic homemade Creme Brulee for dessert (kiss the cook!), a trip to the mountain, night view of the city which I love despite everything, beautiful falling stars in a sky with the perfect Milky Way with appropriate soundtrack, hugs, kisses, laying on a blanket, making some great personal wishes (14 more to go!) and warm welcoming bed...

And here I am now. Thinking as always. Questioning myself through this blog. Answering the asked in empty lines and the spaces between these words. I tend to analyze every aspect and think too much over it. Over and over again. Here are they. My random, unsorted, unformulated, uncensored thoughts. Right here, Right now. With a smile over my face. 

It happens- I see some things that I do not want to understand, nor I want to know. There are so many signs that can make me tremble in fear and anticipation. And God I am scared! And God, I miss the only person who can read my soul without my guidance...and I need to talk. I need her advice and reassuring touch. On another side I know that there are only a couple of days left till our meeting and I try to breath slowly...

Is there a way to explain the surge of ultimate happiness and serenity that brings me somebody's aroma? Is there a logical explanation of my reactions at all? All that bitchy crap about the emotional side of the women may be is right! I have never, ever in my life been so emotional, so uncontrolled, so forgiving and so soft. Pure horror. I feel my soul exposed and sometimes even a joke makes my hearth freeze for a second and skip a heartbeat.

Do I really read the opposite standing in front of me or I invent some reality that is far away from the truth?

Or how do I know all the intricate spirals of the laws of attraction? 

How to stop myself from something that I want so badly that it hurts? Is it a must or not to stop? Where are the borders? Does a droplet brake the bent?

I still fear... for many reasons some of which I still can't explain. And I desperately try to avoid this feeling of utterly misery. After all I still smile, my knees still tremble slightly and my skin is filled with the perfect aroma that I crave.
And he is staying here for good...(13 wishes more to go)...

8 коментара:

  1. Hmm... you wasted a wish i think... maybe he wished for the same thing..... :)

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  2. Did I? And did he? :) May be but how can you be so sure about it? Or is the price of one wish so high not to wish for something you crave more than once?

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  3. I think once is more than enough. If it does not work with 1 wish it sure as hell wont work with 15 :D

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  4. Yes.It works that way.

    You wish for something once, may be twice...not 15 times. But you know some wishes do come true:)

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  5. Oh do they now!? Only bu wishing? :D cool... i still with for a new car then :)

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  6. Nice, nice, nice... :-))) Mmm, love you that way, my little desperate and beautiful harmful thing! ^^ <3 :-*

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  7. And I love you too, my dear! How come with you? Passing through Sofia soon? Or I need to pass by Pleven to see you before my departure?

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  8. It should probably be you, unless we see each other before this trip we're having with my family... I'll try to write on Thursday or Friday! ;-) And I've got a surprise for you! ^^

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