вторник, юни 29, 2010

Rediscovering the water in darkness

It was a long week. It started with friends, some wild dances, happiness and unexpected meeting. I am grateful for my survival to this Sunday, because, God, it was a hard week
Whatever happens I should be alright. Been there, done that.This is one post that I feel so hard to write. But it is a must. I know that I need to let it all out. Right now. Only here.

...10 minutes later...
Always hide yourself. Don't let the other people discover you. Do not let your inner self out. It is useless, nobody could ever see through you. People so complicated are considered mad...

...3 songs later...
There you go. You let all your inner doubts away. 

...5 more songs...or near 20 minutes of emptiness...
You feel. Domination and control. You slip and fall. Nobody is there to catch you. Feeling  your mind back away and your primal instincts just kick in. And they kick you in the ribs, bite your neck and lips, play with your tongue, pull your hair...pull it even harder, let you bend your back...let you forget the lust and need, give you peace and push you to the ground...
Where is the catch? What makes you scream in ecstasy and then makes you shut your eyes hard? Where the hell is that ultimate feeling of lost self control? Why the physical pain relieves you from your fears? And how pain and pleasure mix and intertwine? 

...6 hours...and how I hate myself now...

...and then you rediscover what you will always know...

Violate all the love that I'm missing
Throw away all the pain that I'm living
You will believe in me
And I can never be ignored

1 коментар:

  1. Self control is an illusion. What needs to bg done, what the mass is expecting of you. The animal instinct... well that is the real you. Hidden behind walls of smiles, restrictions and thoughts. But if it manages to get free then all hell breaks loose. Then there are no more things that NEED TO BE DONE. Then there is only NEED. No following expectation - just desire.

    All our life we are though to suppress it. But in the end it is bound to be let loose every once and a while.

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