вторник, юни 29, 2010

Rediscovering the water in darkness

It was a long week. It started with friends, some wild dances, happiness and unexpected meeting. I am grateful for my survival to this Sunday, because, God, it was a hard week
Whatever happens I should be alright. Been there, done that.This is one post that I feel so hard to write. But it is a must. I know that I need to let it all out. Right now. Only here.

...10 minutes later...
Always hide yourself. Don't let the other people discover you. Do not let your inner self out. It is useless, nobody could ever see through you. People so complicated are considered mad...

...3 songs later...
There you go. You let all your inner doubts away. 

...5 more songs...or near 20 minutes of emptiness...
You feel. Domination and control. You slip and fall. Nobody is there to catch you. Feeling  your mind back away and your primal instincts just kick in. And they kick you in the ribs, bite your neck and lips, play with your tongue, pull your hair...pull it even harder, let you bend your back...let you forget the lust and need, give you peace and push you to the ground...
Where is the catch? What makes you scream in ecstasy and then makes you shut your eyes hard? Where the hell is that ultimate feeling of lost self control? Why the physical pain relieves you from your fears? And how pain and pleasure mix and intertwine? 

...6 hours...and how I hate myself now...

...and then you rediscover what you will always know...

Violate all the love that I'm missing
Throw away all the pain that I'm living
You will believe in me
And I can never be ignored

сряда, юни 16, 2010

He kept his promises and fulfilled my wishes...

It rains...strong and violent, with long lashes of water and turbulent wind which bends over the trees. It rains again. At last my prayers were heard. I have to share this freshly made photo of the summer storm.
And now there is a fresh air to breathe and crystal clear droplets of water over my windows. 
I feel nice and calm. 

Sleepless heat...

I passed my projects again. For 8th time. Two more times to go and one diploma project in the making. Yay for me. Just that. I am happy with the results partly because of the excruciating long sleepless nights and the lack of social company. They say that humans are social creatures. I don´t believe them really. What social creature can stay in its confined space for more than a week without going out? Or worst? Why I want only to be left alone after so many selfishly wasted hours in front of my PC?
I walk to the nearest store to grab something refreshing. Water and may be some ice tea. All is dust and heavy air. Hot time...summer in the city...heat. Too much for my taste...I want it to rain so badly...I want rain, water, poodles and happy little kids who run around without taking notice of their shouting mothers.
And then I look up to the sky thanks to one certain phone call.

me: Yeah?
she: Look to the sky my dear...it is beautiful. You should take a picture of it...
me: Sure. Wait to grab my camera...
she: The light is Perfect for shooting right now...
me: I know.  

It was perfect indeed.