неделя, април 11, 2010

Nowhere to be found...

I am totally lost in my inner pain. So unfortunately stunned before my inner self. My soul hurts, my being is feeling torn apart. I do not know where I am. Nor do I care. I walk and I do not see the people. There is sun out there, warm light and shining rays between the branches, there are the fresh wind and the soft touch of his butterfly kisses, there is the whole city alive and breathing... and I walk alone-my soul hidden in the most dark corner.
I think I am going mental for real, my fight with my depression is killing me. And no, this time I do not want to give up. I really try hard about it.

And why is this? Because of my need to feel part of something? For my selfishness and egocentric way of life? Am I to be blamed about my struggles? Am I to be judged for my way to deal with people?
I left my soul in the fridge, as they say in one Bulgarian film, and in my case it is really this way in the last six months or so. And lately I find that some common people related loosely to me try to FIX me. Bad idea. It makes me even more miserable.
There is no cure for something that is not real, just as in the case of the self-inflicted happiness, I am in self-inflicted pain. And I know for sure: it isn't easy to live this way, everyday, all the time...

3 коментара:

  1. This too shall pass. You'll see.

  2. Hi. I am moved by your post, and can feel your pain in the way you describe it. Have you tried to get in touch with people who are going through similar difficulties? I know it can help sometimes. Take care. I am sending you a warm smile.